WOMEN IN THE GYM…. COMMON QUESTIONS, MYTHS AND GUIDANCE TO HELP YOU FEEL HEARD AND EMPOWERED
WOMEN IN THE GYM…. COMMON QUESTIONS, MYTHS AND GUIDANCE TO HELP YOU FEEL HEARD AND EMPOWERED
Why do most extreme workout plans — and why do women often gain back even more weight after?
That's such a powerful and important question — and it touches on something so many women experience but rarely talk about openly.
The truth is, most extreme workout plans fail — not because women lack discipline or willpower, but because these plans are biologically, psychologically, and socially unsustainable. Let’s break it down.
First, biologically, extreme workouts often come hand-in-hand with severe calorie restriction. When you dramatically cut calories, your body goes into survival mode. It lowers your metabolism, increases hunger hormones like ghrelin, and decreases satiety hormones like leptin. So even if you’re sticking to the plan, your body is actively fighting back to maintain balance. It’s not sabotage — it’s self-preservation.
Second, psychologically, extreme plans often promote an all-or-nothing mindset. One “off” day can spiral into feelings of guilt or failure, which leads many women to give up completely — not because they’ve failed, but because the plan failed to support a realistic, long-term approach to health.
And third, socially and emotionally, women are under constant pressure to look a certain way — and these pressures often lead us to pursue fast fixes instead of sustainable change. We’re sold the idea that harder, longer, and stricter is better — but in reality, sustainability and consistency are what truly move the needle.
As for why women often gain back even more weight afterward — it’s called weight cycling, or yo-yo dieting. Studies show that this cycle can slow metabolism over time and increase fat storage. Not to mention the serious damage our relationship with food and our bodies.
So, what’s the answer?
We need to shift the focus from punishment to empowerment. That means choosing movement that feels good, fueling our bodies instead of depriving them, and redefining success as consistency and well-being — not just a number on the scale.
Sustainable health isn’t about doing more — it’s about doing what works for you, long term.
How can someone move past years (even decades) of working out to find a new relationship with food and self?
I want to start by saying: if you’re asking this, you’re not alone. So many women are quietly carrying years — sometimes decades — of struggle with food, exercise, and self-image. The good news is: it is absolutely possible to rewrite that story.
Let’s start with the why. Many of us were raised in a culture that praised discipline, shrinking our bodies, and pushing through pain — and called it “health.” For years, the focus was on what we could lose, not what we could gain in terms of strength, self-worth, and genuine well-being. Rebuilding that relationship with food and self starts with shifting from control to connection.
So how do you move forward? Here’s what the evidence — and real women’s experiences — tell us:
1. Start with self-compassion, not self-criticism.
Research from those that study the psychology and physiology of women specifically shows that self-compassion — not shame or guilt — is a powerful motivator for change. When we treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, especially in moments of struggle, we’re more likely to make sustainable, healthy choices. This is the foundation for everything else.
2. Unlearn diet rules and embrace food neutrality.
Decades of dieting often leave women with a deeply ingrained sense of morality around food — "good" vs. "bad," "clean" vs. "cheat." But studies in intuitive eating and eating psychology show that giving yourself unconditional permission to eat actually reduces overeating and bingeing in the long run. Food is not a test of your worth. It’s nourishment, culture, connection — and it’s allowed to be joyful.
3. Redefine movement as celebration, not punishment.
If exercise has always been about burning calories or earning food, it’s time to reframe it as something that supports your mental and emotional health, not just your body. Think: movement that makes you feel energized, grounded, and empowered — not exhausted and depleted. Dance, hike, stretch, lift — whatever reminds you that your body is alive, not just a project.
4. Seek support and rewire the narrative.
Working with a registered nutritionist, therapist, or coach can be incredibly healing. We know from neuroscience that the brain is plastic — meaning it can unlearn old patterns and form new, healthier ones over time. You are not stuck. The story you've lived doesn’t have to be the story you keep telling yourself.
5. Practice presence, not perfection.
You don’t have to have it all figured out to start. This is a process of coming back to yourself — slowly, gently, and consistently. Progress might even look like skipping a workout because you're tired, or speaking kindly to yourself in the mirror. Those moments matter more than any number on a scale.
So if you’ve spent years in a cycle of shame, striving, and burnout — know this: you can choose differently now. Not because you failed before, but because now, you’re finally ready to lead with care instead of control.
This isn’t about giving up — it’s about coming home to yourself.
What would you say to the woman who’s tired of chasing the scale, but still wants to feel good in her body?
To the woman who’s tired of chasing the number on the scale — first: I see you, and so do MANY other women. You're not giving up. You're waking up. And that shift — from chasing a number to seeking something deeper — is the beginning of real, lasting freedom.
Here’s the truth backed by research: the scale doesn’t always depict health, happiness, or worth. It doesn’t reflect your strength, your energy, your joy, your progress, or your peace. And studies have shown that constantly monitoring weight can actually increase stress, lower self-esteem, and even lead to disordered eating patterns — especially in women.
So if you're done with the scale, but still want to feel good in your body? That’s not only valid — it’s powerful.
Some ideas of what that can look like.
1. Shift from weight to well-being.
Instead of asking, “How much do I weigh?” try asking:
How do I feel in my body today?
Am I energized?
Am I sleeping well?
Is my mood stable?
Do I feel strong, clear-headed, and present?
Health is multidimensional. You can feel better before your body changes — and sometimes, feeling better is what leads to the change you're truly craving.
2. Focus on behaviours, not outcomes.
Evidence from public health research shows that when people focus on health-promoting behaviours — like nourishing meals, joyful movement, stress management, and sleep — they improve their physical and mental health, regardless of weight change. These behaviours are in your control. The number on the scale? Often, it’s not.
3. Redefine what "feeling good" means to you.
Is it being able to play and partake with your kids? Dance without pain? Wear something that makes you feel confident? These are deeply personal goals — and way more meaningful than a number that fluctuates daily based on water, hormones, and timing.
4. Measure progress in real-life wins.
Feeling good can be measured in stamina, strength, digestion, clearer skin, fewer mood swings, a calmer relationship with food — the kind of progress that actually improves your day-to-day life. That’s the stuff that sticks.
5. Detach your worth from your weight.
And this one’s the big pivot. You are not more worthy at 8st than you are at 16st. Your body is not a before-and-after photo. It's a vessel for your experiences, your impact, your presence in the world. When women stop trying to shrink themselves, they often start expanding into lives that feel more full — more joyful — more aligned.
So to every woman listening who’s tired of the mental math, the emotional rollercoaster, the obsession with that blinking number on the scale — I want you to know: you’re allowed to stop. And you're allowed to still care about your body. You’re allowed to want to feel amazing in it — with freedom, not fear.
It’s not about letting yourself go. It’s about finally letting yourself be.
A lot of us feel insecure going to the gym — how do we break through that fear?
This is such a real and common experience — so let’s just say it out loud: feeling insecure at the gym doesn’t mean you’re weak or unmotivated. It means you're human.
And honestly? Gym culture hasn’t always been the most welcoming, especially for women. Between unrealistic fitness standards, hyper-competitive energy, and equipment that sometimes feels more like alien machinery than a wellness tool — it’s no wonder so many of us feel intimidated, self-conscious, or even unwelcome.
But here’s the truth — backed by both research and real-life experience: confidence at the gym isn’t something you have to wait for — it’s something you build.
How to break through that fear:
1. Name the fear — and reframe it.
A lot of gym anxiety comes from what psychologists call spotlight effect — the belief that everyone’s watching and judging you. In reality? Most people are focused on their own workout, their own goals, and (let’s be honest) their own reflection in the mirror. Studies show that when we reframe anxiety as excitement or courage, our performance and confidence actually improve. Try switching the script from "I'm scared" to "I'm showing up anyway."
2. Start with a plan you feel good about.
One of the biggest confidence-killers is walking into the gym without a clear idea of what to do. Having a beginner-friendly plan — even something as simple as 3 machines, 3 sets, and a short cooldown — can help you feel grounded and focused. You’re not wandering. You’re working.
Getting a coach can be a game-changer here. Knowledge is power. And yes — doing less, but doing it consistently, beats doing too much and burning out.
3. Choose environments that empower you.
If your current gym doesn’t feel safe, inclusive, or positive — it’s not you, it’s the environment. Look for a different gym, classes, or even quiet times. You deserve to move in spaces where you’re respected, not judged.
4. Dress for your confidence.
Wear clothes that make you feel supported and comfortable. You don’t owe anyone a certain “fitness look.” Your body is allowed to take up space — period.
5. Celebrate showing up, not perfection.
Progress isn’t just measured in reps or weight — it’s measured in courage. You just need to be you, showing up for your own goals.
So to the woman who feels awkward, insecure, or out of place at the gym — I want you to know this: you belong in that space as much as anyone else.
You don’t need to earn your place. You don’t need to look a certain way to be allowed to move your body. The gym isn’t just for sculpted abs and elite athletes — it’s for everyone, including women just like you who are choosing courage over comfort, one workout at a time.
And remember: confidence doesn’t come before you walk in. It comes from walking in anyway.
What are your favorite cardio moves that work the whole body and support healthy weight loss?
I love this question because it gives us a chance to reframe cardio — not as punishment or just a way to "burn calories" — but as a tool for energy, strength, mental clarity, and overall well-being.
When it comes to supporting healthy weight loss and feeling good in your body, the best cardio moves are the ones that engage multiple muscle groups, elevate your heart rate, and feel fun and doable enough to stick with. Sustainable weight loss comes from consistency, not intensity alone.
So here are a few of my favorite full-body cardio moves that tick all the boxes — evidence-based, efficient, and empowering:
1. Walking or Incline Walking (Yes, really!)
Let’s start with the most underrated move in the game. Research shows that brisk walking, especially on an incline, improves cardiovascular health, supports fat loss, and is incredibly joint-friendly. It’s also accessible for most fitness levels.
2. Jumping Jacks or Low-Impact Jacks
This classic move increases your heart rate while working your arms, legs, and core. It’s also easily modifiable — low-impact versions protect the joints while still getting your blood pumping.
3. Kettlebell Swings
Kettlebell swings are one of my favorites because they work your hips, glutes, core, shoulders, and back, all while delivering serious cardio. A study published in the Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research found that kettlebell workouts can match the cardiovascular challenge of running, but with more muscle activation.
➡ Bonus: They build power and strength — not just endurance.
4. Mountain Climbers
This move hits everything — core, shoulders, legs, and heart rate. It’s essentially a moving plank, so you're building core stability while also getting a cardio burst.
5. Dancing or Cardio-Based Choreography
Don’t underestimate the power of dance! Whether it’s Zumba, hip-hop, or your own living room playlist, dancing is a full-body workout that improves coordination, burns calories, and boosts mood — thanks to a surge of endorphins.
6. Rowing/Cycling
Rowing is a full-body, low-impact cardio workout that combines strength and endurance. It’s incredibly efficient — you’re working over 85% of your muscles while also improving aerobic capacity.
A Quick Note on Healthy Weight Loss:
Cardio is just one piece of the puzzle. Sustainable, healthy weight loss is best supported by:
Regular strength training
Balanced nutrition (not restriction)
Stress management
Consistent sleep
And a mindset of
self-care
, not self-punishment
And here's the empowering truth: you don’t have to crush yourself to change your body. You just have to commit to showing up in ways that honour your energy, your time, and your goals- CONSISTENTLY
What role does trauma or emotional pain play in how our bodies hold on to weight?
This is such an important question — and honestly, one that doesn’t get asked enough. For so many women, weight struggles aren't just about what we eat or how we move. They’re about what we’ve lived through. Trauma and emotional pain can play a significant role in how our bodies respond, how we cope, and even how we hold on to weight — and science fully backs this up.
Let’s break it down.
1. The Stress Response and Cortisol
When we experience trauma — whether it’s a major life event or long-term emotional stress — our bodies activate the fight-or-flight response. One of the key hormones involved is cortisol, our primary stress hormone.
High or chronic cortisol levels are linked to:
Increased appetite, especially for sugary and high-fat foods
Disrupted sleep, which can affect metabolism
Fat storage
Studies have consistently shown that people with chronic stress or a history of trauma are more likely to experience weight gain or difficulty losing weight, even if their eating habits are relatively balanced.
2. Emotional Eating as a Coping Tool
Food can become a form of comfort — and that’s not inherently bad. But for many women, especially those with unprocessed emotional pain or trauma, eating can be a way to self-soothe in the absence of safer coping tools.
This isn’t about willpower. This is about neuroscience. Trauma affects the brain’s reward system, making us more prone to seek quick relief — and food is one of the most accessible ways to get that temporary sense of calm or control.
3. The Body as a Shield
Here’s something you don’t hear enough: for some women, extra weight is a form of protection. Subconsciously, the body may hold on to weight as a way to feel safe — especially after experiences of abuse, harassment, or abandonment. There’s growing psychological research supporting this idea of the “body as armour.”
So when someone says, “I just can’t lose weight no matter what I do,” it’s not always about calories or cardio. Sometimes, it’s the body saying, “I’m not ready to let go yet.”
4. Disconnection From the Body
Trauma can create a disconnect — where your body no longer feels like a safe or familiar place. This makes movement, nourishment, and self-care feel like chores rather than acts of love. Rebuilding that relationship is part of the healing, and it’s not linear.
So what’s the path forward?
The key isn’t to push harder — it’s to heal deeper.
Therapy
(especially somatic therapy, EMDR, or trauma-informed approaches) can help reconnect with the body and release stored pain.
Mind-body practices
like yoga, breathwork, and even gentle strength training can rebuild trust with your physical self.
And most importantly:
compassion
— because you cannot hate yourself into healing.
So to the woman listening who’s been carrying pain in her body — emotionally and physically — I want to say this:
Your body is not broken. It’s wise. It’s doing what it thinks it needs to do to keep you safe. And when you start healing the root — not just the symptoms — the body often responds in ways that feel more aligned, more free, and more sustainable.
You deserve more than a weight loss plan. You deserve peace in your body.
For someone who has been dieting since childhood, how do you even begin to untangle that story?
Such a tender and powerful question — and one I hear so often, especially from women who started dieting before they even understood what hunger, fullness, or body trust meant. If you’ve been dieting since childhood, it can feel like your relationship with food and your body is built on a foundation of rules, restriction, and shame. But: you can untangle that story — with patience, with support, and with compassion.
And you’re not starting from scratch — you’re starting from wisdom.
1. Recognize That Dieting Is Often Inherited, Not Chosen
Most of us didn’t choose to start dieting — we inherited the message. Whether it came from family, school weigh-ins, media, or even doctors, the message was often: thin is good, control is necessary, and your body isn’t acceptable as it is.
Research has found that women who began dieting in childhood were more likely to develop long-term disordered eating behaviours and body dissatisfaction well into adulthood. So if you're struggling, it's not because you’ve failed. It’s because the system set you up to believe your body was a problem to be fixed.
2. Get Curious, Not Critical
The first step in untangling the diet story is shifting from judgment to curiosity. Ask yourself:
Where did my food rules come from?
What did I believe about my body growing up?
What emotions come up around food or hunger?
Journaling, therapy, or even talking with trusted friends can help you start to trace those messages back to their origins — and realize, you don’t have to keep living by them.
3. Explore Intuitive Eating and Body Respect
Intuitive eating — a non-diet approach backed by over 125 studies — offers a powerful framework to reconnect with your body’s cues. It’s about learning to trust hunger and fullness, breaking free from food rules, and choosing nourishment over punishment.
One key principle is “gentle nutrition” — which means honouring your health without obsession or restriction. It’s not about letting go of care — it’s about letting go of control.
4. Unlearn the “Success = Weight Loss” Mentality
Diet culture teaches us to equate thinness with worth, discipline, and success. But the research tells a different story. Long-term studies show that most diets fail to produce sustained weight loss after 2–5 years, and repeated dieting (aka weight cycling) is linked to increased risk of cardiovascular disease, inflammation, and emotional distress.
True success? It looks like peace with food. Energy in your body. Freedom in your mind. That is health.
5. Grieve the Time Lost — and Choose Something New
It’s okay to grieve the years spent dieting — to feel sadness or anger about how much mental space it took up. That grief is valid. But it doesn’t have to define your future.
Every small step toward healing — eating when you're hungry, resting without guilt, speaking kindly to yourself — is a radical reclaiming of power.
You are allowed to write a new story. One rooted not in restriction, but in respect. Not in shame, but in self-trust.
And trust me — your body is ready when you are.
What does a gentle, sustainable fitness and food routine actually look like?
I love this question — because in a world that constantly pushes extremes, it’s actually a radical act to ask, “What would it look like to treat myself with care, not punishment?” A gentle, sustainable fitness and food routine is not about perfection — it’s about consistency, self-respect, and working with your body, not against it.
And the best part? Research shows that this approach is not only more enjoyable — it’s more effective in the long run.
So, what does it actually look like?
Let’s break it down:
1. Movement That Supports, Not Depletes
Sustainable fitness isn't about burning out with high-intensity workouts every day. It’s about moving in a way that energizes you, fits into your life, and evolves with your needs.
-Frequency: 3–5 days a week of movement you enjoy -Mix:
Strength training 2–3x per week (builds muscle, supports metabolism, improves longevity)
Low-impact cardio like walking, cycling, or dancing
Flexibility or mobility work like yoga or stretching
-Rest: At least 1–2 rest or active recovery days. Rest is where your body repairs and grows stronger.
➡ Research from the American College of Sports Medicine shows that moderate, consistent movement improves long-term physical health, mental clarity, and even hormonal balance — especially for women.
And remember: if your workout leaves you exhausted, irritable, or injured — it’s not sustainable. The goal is to feel more alive, not more depleted.
2. Food That Fuels, Not Controls
Gentle nutrition is the practice of making food choices that support your health without restriction, guilt, or obsession. It honours both your body’s needs and your emotional well-being.
Structure, not strictness:
Aim for regular meals and snacks to keep blood sugar stable and energy up.
Include a balance of protein, fiber-rich carbs, and healthy fats.
Permission to enjoy food: Yes — that includes chocolate, bread, wine, whatever brings joy. When we stop labelling food as "good" or "bad," we reduce the shame spiral and actually make more balanced choices over time.
Mindful eating: Pay attention to hunger, fullness, and satisfaction cues. Studies show that intuitive eaters have lower rates of emotional eating and higher body satisfaction — regardless of weight.
3. Mental and Emotional Sustainability
This is the piece most people miss — but it matters just as much as workouts and meals.
Is your routine flexible? Can you take a week off for vacation or illness without spiralling into guilt or “starting over”? If so, it’s sustainable.
Does it support your mental health? If it’s creating more anxiety than peace, it needs adjusting.
Gentle routines work because they create a sense of safety in your body. And when your nervous system feels safe, your hormones regulate, your digestion improves, and you’re more likely to stick with habits long-term.
What it sounds like in real life:
“I’m walking today instead of running because I’m tired, and that’s okay.”
“I chose a salad because I wanted something fresh — not because I ‘had to be good.’”
So to the woman listening who’s tired of extremes — of 30-day fixes, “clean eating,” and punishing plans — lets tell her this:
You don’t need a stricter routine. You need a kinder one. One that honours your body’s wisdom, fits into your real life, and leaves you feeling stronger — not smaller, but stronger — every step of the way.
Because sustainable health isn’t built in a week. It’s built in the quiet, everyday choices that say: “I respect my body enough to take care of it — gently, and for the long haul.”
What are some green flags of real progress — beyond the scale?
This is one of my favourite conversations because it’s a reminder that health is so much more than a number on the scale — and honestly, the scale doesn’t always reflect the most meaningful changes happening in your body and mind.
In fact, research shows that weight alone is a poor indicator of health. It doesn’t tell us about your strength, your energy, your hormones, your relationship with food, or your mental well-being — all of which play a massive role in long-term health.
So let’s add some green flags of real progress — the kind that actually signals transformation from the inside out.
1. You have more energy throughout the day
One of the biggest signs that your body is being nourished and supported is steady, sustained energy. If you’re no longer crashing mid-afternoon, relying on caffeine to get through the day, or waking up groggy, that’s a major win.
2. Your mood is more stable
If you notice fewer mood swings, less anxiety around food, or that you're more emotionally resilient — that’s real progress. This means your nervous system is regulating, your blood sugar is stabilizing, and you’re likely sleeping better too.
➡ There’s strong evidence that regular exercise, improved sleep, and eating enough (especially enough protein and omega-3s) directly impact mood and reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety.
3. Your workouts feel easier — or you’re getting stronger
➡ These changes are linked to lower risk of chronic disease, better metabolic health, and increased longevity — regardless of weight change.
4. You’re not obsessed with food anymore
If you’re no longer thinking about food 24/7, bingeing late at night, or feeling like you’re always “starting over” on Monday — that’s huge. It means your relationship with food is healing.
5. Your clothes fit differently — or more comfortably
Even if the scale hasn’t changed, body composition might have. You could be gaining lean muscle and reducing inflammation, which may shift how your body looks and feels — even if your weight stays stable.
➡ Studies show that strength training improves body composition and bone density — critical for women, especially as we age.
6. You’re more in tune with your body
If you’re noticing hunger, fullness, thirst, and even emotional cues more clearly — that’s a powerful sign of body awareness. And with awareness comes empowerment.
7. You’re living your life more fully
This might be the biggest green flag of all: You’re saying yes to more things — social events, adventures, movement — not because you “have to earn it,” but because you finally feel good enough to show up as you are.
That’s not just fitness. That’s freedom.
So if the scale hasn’t moved but your sleep, strength, mood, confidence, or peace with food have improved — you are making real progress.
Because the ultimate goal isn’t to weigh less. It’s to live more. To feel at home in your body. To trust it. To enjoy it. To respect it.
And those wins? They matter — way more than any number ever could.
How do we stay kind to ourselves on the hard days without giving up?
The truth is, hard days are inevitable. Whether it’s a stressful week, a dip in motivation, a flare-up of self-doubt, or simply feeling “off” — these moments are part of being human. And for women especially, who’ve often been conditioned to strive for perfection, a hard day can feel like failure.
But here’s the shift: a hard day isn’t a setback — it’s a signal. It’s your body or mind asking for something different. And learning how to be kind to yourself in those moments is not weakness — it’s resilience.
How to do that in a real, grounded, evidence-based way…. Well;
1. Practice Self-Compassion, Not Self-Criticism
Research shows that women who respond to struggles with kindness — rather than harsh judgment — are more likely to stay consistent with healthy habits over time. Why? Because shame shuts us down, but compassion keeps us engaged.
Instead of saying:
“I messed up. I’ll never get it right.” Try:
“Today was tough — but one day doesn’t define me. I’m still showing up.”
2. Zoom Out and Look at the Big Picture
Progress isn’t a straight line — it’s a long game. One missed workout, one emotionally charged meal, one overwhelmed day doesn’t erase everything you’ve done. It’s a blip, not a breakdown.
In fact, long-term behaviour change research shows that those who succeed are not the most perfect — they’re the most persistent. They keep going because they learn to adapt on hard days, not give up.
It’s a chance to practice flexibility, not failure.
3. Ask: What Does Support Look Like Today?
Sometimes “showing up” means lifting heavy. Other days, it means resting, taking a walk, drinking water, or calling a friend. The key is to honour your capacity, not force your way through exhaustion.
This is what psychologists call “self-regulation” — adjusting your behaviours based on your needs, not rigid expectations. And it’s one of the strongest predictors of long-term wellness success.
4. Use Gentle Anchors Instead of Harsh Rules
On hard days, fall back on a few simple anchors that help you feel grounded — not overwhelmed. Think:
A nourishing meal
10 minutes of movement
A few deep breaths
Logging off social media
Saying no when you’re stretched too thin
These aren’t about doing it “right.” They’re about staying connected to yourself when things feel messy.
5. Redefine What “Not Giving Up” Looks Like
Sometimes, not giving up means pushing through. Other times, it means pausing with purpose.
True resilience isn’t about never falling — it’s about how you talk to yourself when you do. It’s trusting that one hard day doesn’t define you. And that every day — even the ones that feel off — are still part of your journey forward.
So, in short, to the woman listening who’s had a rough day, or a rough week — I want you to know:
You don’t need to be perfect to keep going. You just need to be present. Kind. And willing to try again.
Because showing up with self-compassion isn’t giving up — it’s choosing to stay in the game, on your terms.
And that, is how you build a life of real strength.
You don’t need a fancy gym to be fierce. You just need YOU.
With strength,
Camille Founder,
CGCoaching
A written version of a recorded Q&A Podcast for The Pink Sphere June'2025
